Are We Really in Love or With The Idea of Love?

The best and most beautiful things in this world can not be seen or even heard but must be felt by heart

                                                                    - Helen Keller. 

Love, an expression that is defined differently by each individual. What is love? In my words, love is an expression of an emotion that you feel towards your loved ones. Your loved ones can include - family, friends, relatives, your pet, your significant other etc etc. However this blog is not going to discuss about loving our family, friends, relatives or pets it is going to discuss about "Significant Other and love." As the title states I am going to give my two cents on the topic of "Are we really in love or with the idea of being in love?"  

You must admit the generation that our parents had and the generation we are in at the moment is extremely different in terms of relationships and love. Love and relationships during our parents' generation had more meaning and value attached towards it. If there were problems, then they were solved, if there was disagreements then there were compromises because of the value they had for that "significant other." Relationships were valued and taken seriously. As times evolved so did the meaning of love and relationships, we are stuck in a generation where benefits is triumphed over real connection. We are in a generation where friends with benefits is given more attention than building a solid relation with someone significant. I know people who do not love the person they are with and I have also have come across people who are not with the person they love. We live in the times that online dating sites are just used for "hookups" instead of actually connecting with that person and getting to know them. We tend to get in a relationship with someone saying "we love them" but then we distance or walk out as soon an issue arises, so my question is "were you really in love or in love with the idea of it?" I agree that this is a very controversial question, but it is a big question for our generation. 

In my opinion the best way to know if you're just in love with the idea of loving is when 

(1) You believe life will start once this specific person will enter your life, 

(2) You don't love them but just stay because it is familiar and because they are so "giving" 

(3) You constantly try to change them instead of accepting them the way they are or even worse you hope that this individual gets fed up with you and they walk out on you instead" 

(4) You believe someone "better" will show up, 

(5) You believe that by having someone love you, your worth will automatically be increased. 

I would contradict a little here as you know that our generation is full of contradictions. We live in a generation where people say "I don't want a relationship, yet want relationship privileges." We talk as friends yet do "things" that are beyond the boundaries of friendship, we tend to get close quick but don't even think twice before distancing ourselves from this one person who is moving closer each day, and then we say "we are just friends, it is your fault you got closer." Why do we blame the other person instead of looking at our actions that made this person come closer? We live in a generation where we want our "relation" to look good on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter etc. and have #baegoals hashtags but not actually work on the relationship when it is really required. We live in a generation that looks for someone as therapist for venting our problems out but won't be there when that person needs us. We live in a generation that wants those cute morning and night texts but will not put in the work to make it a good morning or good night for that person. We want a partner so that we can say we have a date for all our outings,weddings, and family gatherings. 

When I think of this, I always wonder where did our parents' generation find love? How did they find happiness with each other? When did they know they were in love and not just with the idea of being in love? All of this questions really clicked to me that we are a generation that wants love but don't want an actual relationship. We get on these dating sites hoping to find a special someone but won't take the time to get to know that individual. We are in a generation that invests more time in taking the perfect Instagram photo, perfecting our social media life or making an interesting dating profile but won't spend enough time building  our character and self. We come from the generation where we communicate via DMs, Snapchat, Whatsapp and yet don't take the effort in meeting with this person and knowing them further, but when we do hang out with this person and make plans with them we only get caught up with hooking up. We live in a generation that ignores any means of real connection by playing games. We live in a generation where we cancel plans but never reschedule. We live in a generation that wants "relationship" without actually putting effort into building a valuable one. We want to hold hands but not connect beyond that, we want to be close but run away from getting to know them. We don't want to take time to know this person and have serious conversations with them, but want to just have fun bantering. We live in a generation that does not want to commit but wants to just have "fun." We live in a generation that wants to celebrate important milestones to celebrate togetherness  but not cherish the moments that lead up to those milestones. We want the perfect future yet don't enjoy the present moments. We live a generation that wants to get closer yet not give someone the power to hurt us, we look for the Mr./Ms. Right, we keep chasing love yet don't want it to catch us. We come from a generation that gives us an image of love and relationship without actually being in it. We come from a generation that wants to connect yet maintain distance. One thing that I always hear from our generation is " take things slow, and let's go with the flow" this specific thing that our generation says implies we are ready to walk out at any given chance, we play with people's emotions instead of being honest and letting them go. In all of these games we fail to understand that we are playing with our own emotions and cheating our selves out of finding love. We live in a generation where cheating is a "NORMAL" thing, we believe there are plenty of people we can be with. We live in a generation where we are stood out by someone we really like, but tend to forget that, one person's opinion does not define our value, we were amazing before they came and we will be amazing even when they leave. DO NOT LET A PERSON WHO STOOD YOU OUT BE A DICTATOR OF YOUR PERSONALITY.  Become happy with yourself and the person you become, keep bettering yourself always. 

Our generation needs to recognize the importance and value of love. It all requires work, effort and patience. Instead of looking for someone to make us happy, we need to become someone that can give happiness and it all starts with making ourselves happy first. From one of my blogs if you read, you must have known I follow Jay Shetty and he said in one of his videos that though "we act like we don't want a relationship, at the end of the day we actually do."

Our generation needs to always keep in mind that if someone truly "loves you" you won't have to beg for their attention. If a person really loves you there will not be any doubts, you will not have to force it. When someone tells you they are busy and don't make time for you then you should realize where you stand with this person. You can not give someone relationship privileges if they are not up for the efforts required for it. Our generation isn't with someone because we "love" them but instead because we do not want to be alone, or because that person is good for ego boost or even maybe they make us feel good about the routine we have set up for ourselves. The generation we are in just want friendship because we don't want the work of relationship, we expect the other person to do things not considered as "friendship." We say we are not together but you can not date anyone else, we want this person loyal to us yet when they expect the same we say "we are just friends." We live in a generation where we invest time, energy and attention into "Instagram women/men" but not invest in the relationship with a loyal person who cares for us. I don't understand the concept of not "caring too much" I mean if you value someone you will care for them naturally, effort is attractive, being loyal is attractive. You are worth way more than those late night text, and once in a blue moon call when they are bored. Don't settle for the wrong person by becoming someone's back up plan. 

Luckily, there are still people from our generation that do want love. I know people who found the one they love but it all comes with effort that you must put in your relationship and getting to know someone on a deeper level. So, how do you really know that you found the one and you are actually in love and not with the idea of love? 

(1) You want to motivate this person, you support their dreams and help them reach them step by step. 

(2) They are with you and enjoy your company. 

(3) Trust comes naturally and this person never makes you question their action. 

(4) You found your best friend, you don't need external factors to complete each other 

(5) You're not afraid to disagree with each other without fights. I believe these are few of the important points to know if you're in love or with the idea of being in love. My generation fails to understand that real relationship involves a lot of compromising and forgiveness for the happiness of your partner. We need to accept that this person we're with is not always perfect and will for sure hurt you and let us down occasionally, but it is your decision to decide if you will invest and water your grass green instead of admiring someone outside.

When you find the person who enjoys your goofiness then give this person a chance, look beyond this hookup culture that our generation is stuck in and build something meaningful with someone who has the same goal as you. In the end if you have not come across someone who is looking for same thing as you then ignore the rest, marry your goals, commit to your betterment and success, become loyal to your dreams and pick yourself till you meet someone who compliments your life. I strongly believe we should date someone who feels like home and an adventure all in one, that is when you will know you found the one. Kudos to those people who valued love and found someone that compliments them in every aspect. Love exists but only if you give it a chance. 

When you start taking care of yourself, you start to feel confident, you look and feel better which as a result you attract someone who values love. Remember it all starts with you believing in yourself. In conclusion, are we really in love or with the idea of love? My answer is that our generation will only really fall in love when they give it a chance and look beyond this hookup culture. The people who did find love gave it a chance, so take the risk and allow the opportunity to find love. You have always been good enough but just gave your good side to the wrong people, don't let this distance you from finding someone who wants to genuinely get to know you and be with you. Someone somewhere is looking for exact same thing that you're offering. Our parent's generation valued relationship & love but we can also do the same if only we learn to work and put effort into it. 

Like they say, it is easy to love someone when things are good, but loving someone when difficulty arises,when you see flaws and mistakes,  is usually when people walk out. If you can still be with this person despite all this then you will have your answer if you're actually in love. Anyone can love when things are perfect but loving someone and their weakest/lowest then that is the love worth having. If you have someone who values you this much then tell them thank you for accepting every aspect of you, all your good and bad for forgiving all your mistakes and loving you at your weakest. Always keep in mind that when you're arguing with your partner it is the problem you're against and not "EACH OTHER. " 

Life Through Perception