Pros and Cons of Having Strict parents.

The relationship between parents and children is very unique. We have always been brought up with the boundaries of good and bad, and the pros and cons of certain things. I have often heard from youth that their parents don't allow them to do this or don't allow them to do that. I always wondered about this situation of why we say our parents do this or do that, are they wrong? Are we wrong? Maybe they don't get it, or is that maybe they want to protect us? What exactly are the pros and cons of having strict parents? Do strict parents really create sneaky or rebellious children? In this week's blog I am discussing the pros and cons of having strict parents, through my perception I want to talk about the deeper relation of our generation and the generation of our parents.

I am 25 years old, I come from a proper South Asian family. I have witnessed the strictness of my parents and also the freedom from my parents, but there is something that always lingers in my mind about the difference of opinions that surfaces in a typical "brown family." No, wait I will have to contradict a little bit here, I have also come across people who are not of South Asian descent that still go through strictness or difference of opinions within their family and that is when it clicked to me that this is a story of numerous families regardless of the background. We always say that our parents don't understand and many other harsh things. I agree that starting from teenage years we want to do things our ways, I mean we "feel" we know what is right and what is wrong. I have passed that age as well and trust me I used to always feel I know my right from my wrong. I remember back when I was 15 and the girls in my school would dress up in school like they were in Canada's Next Top Model. To be honest, when these girls were dressing up like models compared to how they would come differently dressed at school in the morning, I would be on the side like your typical girl next door who was more into sports compared to makeup. I mean now I have a balance of both but back then I was different, but besides the point this blog is more specifically towards the pros and cons of strict parenting, this little story of mine is from 10 years ago. Coming to present days, as the world is evolving so are the youth. The generation of our parents had a complete different environment compared to ours now.

I now strongly believe that the relation between youth and parents is extremely fragile because of two different generations and two different thinking process of perceiving the world, who is right and who is wrong? The answer is NO ONE !!!! Our parents teach us the world from their perspective and we adapt to it from our perspective.

I think what our parents are truly worried about is our safety and the amount of protection they provide us because they know that between the ages of 13 to 25 are the years of our life that can either makes us or break us. They are probably worried that we might follow the wrong footsteps and put ourselves into trouble. I mean I don't blame them for being worried as they know how our youth is evolving, but then I also know that some go over board with the protection and that is when a rebellious and sneaky child is created. A lot of parents believe that if they impose strictness on their child they will always be in control and protect them, but what they are forgetting is that a relation between teenage kid and themselves is like a spring, the more you put pressure on that spring the higher it will bounce back due to the tension. I know I might have confused you slightly so allow me to explain.

Studies have proven that overly strict parents create rebellious, deceitful and insecure kids and youth. Though certain level of strictness is good but when it goes over the limit it causes a lot of issues and has an opposite reaction. One of the risks this possesses for example is I remember when I was 21 my friend's parents had forbidden her to talk to opposite sex even if it is a simple hello and them being strict towards her had an opposite reaction. I understand why parents tend to impose certain rules for example drinking. Drinking is considered bad and for obvious reasons we know why but I know numerous youth who still do this despite what their parents want. One thing parents should be made aware off is that when they build a relation with their child that of friendship they will have a higher opportunity to connect to their child/youth and teach them wrong from right. The trust needs to be established between both in order for a more loving and effective relationship. An open relationship between youth and parents will help them be more honest, listening, and more sharing. Another example of why openness should be in parent child relationship is because recently one of my friend's nephew was talking to me that due to the strictness of his parents he has been lying about his whereabouts and what he does on a daily basis, when I questioned him about why he is not honest he told me that his parents are overly protective, strict and he gets scolded for telling the truth. This conversation between me n him really made me think the effects of overly strict parents, I could see that he did not like to hide from his parents but he said the generation gap is a factor and that they do not understand our needs to be feel wanted.

Another reason overboard strictness is bad is because it creates a bully. It creates anger, insecurity, and low self-esteem and the way this specific youth will get their frustration out is by taking that anger outside. According to a recent study, youth/children become liars because they know the truth will get them in trouble with their parents. The biggest risk I believe is that by these kids/youth lying if they ever were to actually land in a major problem and the parents are completely unaware of where their child is - that is a scary thought. Another example is of a child that is under tremendous pressure to succeed academically from their parents will eventually turn to something negative to release that pressure. One of my classmates from high school was under tremendous pressure academically to achieve certain amount of marks that he turned to substance abuse to release that pressure, stress and anxiety took over him making him miserable.

One thing that needs to be emphasized is that youth now a days go through pressure outside of school that parents are unaware off and building the foundation of trust would help create a better relationship between parents n youth. The environment at home builds your youth socially, mentally and even emotionally.

These were the cons of strict parenting but there are a lot of pros to having strict parents. When I say strict parents, I am referring to parents that have an impact in their child's life but also understand the changing generation. Parents that have strictness with boundaries create an upbringing that allows the youth to be well mannered, respectful and know their responsibility. Personally, though my parents were strict in my teens years they always understood the changing generation. They tried to be friends with my brother and I so that we can express if something bothers us. Due to that I can say I grew up to be respectful, and know my boundaries. I respect my parents for enforcing some strictness when I was growing up even though there was times I did not like it. When strictness is done in limit the child/youth will grow to be more self-disciplined, have maturity, and able to make more logical decisions. When there is friendship between parents and children then the youth is more inclined towards following the positive footsteps and sharing more.

To conclude, I believe overly strict parents do create sneaky and rebellious children. Parents should be made familiar where the overly strictness will cause issues and youth/children should understand that their parents are enforcing certain rules for their benefit. Where overly strict parents create rebellious child, the parents who know how to draw the authoritative boundary create more mature and understanding child. Parents can be strict and still have the best upbringing and keep their child safe and protected. Matt Walsh said a very interesting quote that " Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do"

I guess we will never truly know the reason for their strictness and protection till we become parents ourselves. I am attaching a very nice video down below and take a look at it, share your stories with me as well. This is life through my perception.

Life Through Perception